Oct 192011

…From David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)

The Miss USA pageant was held at the Theatre for the Performing Arts in Planet Hollywood Resort in Las Vegas, Nevada on June 19, 2011. It was the 60th anniversary of this show. As in the past, contestants are graded on beauty, charm, poise, skills, and their ability to respond to questions. One of the questions asked of the 2011 contestant was, “Do you think math should be taught in school ?” This video captures some of their answers…..!

Turn up your sound, click HERE – but don’t expect too much!

Oct 162011

Hi Guys and Gals,

Sorry for the long wait for new stuff here at Jokers Wild.
Well it’s been a week anyway.
It’s just that I have been very busy of late with East Lothian FM.

We started a restricted schedule last week and I began presenting the Breakfast Show, ‘Wake Up With Mo’.
Fantastic. It was great to get behind a mike again.
We also held our first money raiser and managed to raise over £300.00 which will be used to offset some of the costs we have incurred.
Already volunteers are wanting to join us so as time goes by, the programme schedule will be added to and ‘live’ broadcasting time increased.

My son, Jamie, has done a terrific job with the website and is getting a lot of praise from all over the place for his efforts.

So things are going well and will only get better.
To think that East Lothian FM was just a seed of an idea back in August!
We have come so far in such a short time.

Once again, you can listen in just by clicking on the icon below and following the links.
And I’m on every weekday morning from 8.00 am to 10 a.m. (GMT)
Please join me….

Cheers,

Andy

Oct 162011

….From Baz in Dronfield (UK)

The ball was in the pond on Hole 16 at Oak Crest Golf Club in Norway, Michigan, USA.

It was a brand new Titlelist with the Verso logo on it and he didn’t want to lose it OR take the two stroke penalty as he was already behind in points!!!
So he put his hand in the water to retrieve it……

NEVER PUT YOUR ARM IN THE WATER TO RETRIEVE A GOLF BALL !!!!!!!
They managed to sew his arm back on.
He was playing golf again within 6 months!!


The Old Speeders

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Oct 162011

….From David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)#

Waiting in Doncaster to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He says to himself: “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seats and three in the back…wide eyed and white as ghosts.


The driver, obviously confused, says to him “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly…Twenty-two miles an hour!” ….the old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that A22 is the road number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask….Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven’t made a sound this whole time,” the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We’ve just come off the A120.”

Paddy’s Sick Note

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Oct 162011

From Baz in Dronfield (UK)

This is good.
Turn up your sound and click HERE

Oct 072011

Well, the testing is over and all the equipment is in place.
I did a test show on Tuesday and all went to plan.
So we start on Monday next week, the 10th. October and at 7.00 a.m. (GMT) my dulcet tones will be heard once more in the ether that is Internet Radio.
Here then is your personal invitation to join me with the breakfast show - ‘Wake up with Mo’ every weekday morning from 7.00 a.m. ’til 10.00 a.m.

Tune in on your WiFi radios or computers for some great music, weather, news and travel.

If you want a request or dedication you can email me at the studio at andrew@eastlothianfm.co.uk

Just click on the East Lothian FM logo to get connected or go to  www.eastlothianfm.co.uk

I look forward to your company.

Oct 072011

An elderly Scottish gentleman decides to take it a little easier and take up golf. So he puts his name down at the local club.

After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to enquire why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye and I am as Scottish as you are Jock.

Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.

Scot: Aye, so do I.

Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?

Scot: Aye, neither do I.

Secretary: But aren’t you Jewish?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So you are circumcised?

Scot: Aye, I be that too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.

Scot: Ach, away with ye man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint Columbus. But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.

Getting Married

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Oct 072011

…From Peter in Ruby Bay (NZ)

Jack, age 92 and Gill, age 89, living in Perth, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist shop. Jack suggests they go in.

Jack addresses the man behind the counter:

“Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jack: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jack: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds”

Jack: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jack: “How about suppositories?”
Pharmacist: “You bet!”

Jack: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works”

Jack: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jack: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
Pharmacist: “We sure do…”

Jack: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes..”

Jack: “Adult incontinence pants?”
Pharmacist: “Sure.”

Jack: “Then we’d like to use this store for our wedding present list…”

Oct 072011

….From Baz in Dronfield (UK)

‘Nuff Said

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Oct 052011

…From Peter in Ruby Bay (NZ)

It doesn’t matter where in the world you live….

…this says it all.

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