Jokers Wild

Drinking & Driving this Christmas – A friendly warning from Baz in Dronfield (UK)

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

Well, I have done something about it:
A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many whiskies as well as beers and some rather nice claret; but knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before – I took a bus home.

I arrived back home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before and have no idea where I got this one.

Have a Great Christmas and Don’t Drink and Drive.

…From Carol in North Berwick (UK)

Dear God,
My prayer for 2012 is for
A fat bank account & a thin body.

Please don’t mix these up like you did last year.
AMEN!

…From Baz in Dronfield (UK)

This is very clever.

Don’t know how it works – but it does.

This is an alcohol test:
If you can do it, you can keep drinking. If not, it’s time to stop.
Follow the simple instructions below:

Click HERE and turn up your sound. Then…

1. Click on the mans nose
2. Every time you click on his nose, you can have another drink!!!

…From David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)

The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing “father’s details;” or put another way….
WHO’S YER DADDY?

These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins.
Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley.
I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind.
I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl.
She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night.
I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted.
If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter.
He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he’s had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man.
I am still a Virginian.
I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son’s conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia’s dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy.
I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.
Please advise.

7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A.
If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
Child B who was also borned at the same time….well, I don’t have clue.

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic
Kingdom.

9. So much about that night is a blur..
The only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby.
After all, like when you eat a can of beans you can’t be sure which one made you fart.