…From Ray in Prestonpans (UK)
A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The Cow: I give 50 litres of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!!
The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter. I can carry 52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greates!!!
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Why are you scrolling down? It’s your turn to say something…
…From Peter in Ruby Bay (NZ)
A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,
“Connie ….Connie.”:
“Is that you, Joe?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I
have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you’d be proud – lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it’s back to golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.”
“Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!”
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” Not exactly … I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.
…From David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)
Let’s put the senior citizens in prison and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc., and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid would be free, on request..
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The “criminals” would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room and pay £900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.
Justice for all we say.
Think about this (more points of contention):
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COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.
But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
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THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq …
Why don’t we just give them ours? It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we’re not using it anymore.
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THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this…
You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’, ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ….. It creates a hostile work environment.
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ALSO
Think about this … If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone — YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!