Jokers Wild

…From Baz in Dronfield (UK)

The priest in a small Irish village had a rooster and ten hens …

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… that he kept in the hen house behind the church.
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One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
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He knew about cock fights in the village, so he decided to question his parishioners in church.
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During mass, he asked the congregation, ‘Has anybody got a cock?’
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All the men stood up.
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‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant at all.
Has anybody seen a cock?’
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All the women stood up.
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‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘ that wasn’t what I meant at all, at all.
Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?”
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Half the women stood up.
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‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant at all, at all, at all.
Has anybody seen MY cock?’
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Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
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The priest fainted.
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A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom with dozens of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall !

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears and is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn’t mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, ‘Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!’

Maybe he could be the future father of my children?’

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips.

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other’s clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion,more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, ‘Well, how was it?’

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: ‘Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.

…From Peter in Ruby Bay (NZ)

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this!

Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?

Here’s what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.

Bubba said: “Shingles.”

So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, “Shingles.”

So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, “Shingles.”

So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, “Shingles.”

The doctor asked, “Where?”

Bubba said, “Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ‘em??”