…From Big John in North Berwick (UK)

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man’s heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???

Ever wonder why?

It’s because she smells like a new car.

Pooh went to some extraordinary lengths to prevent himself and his friends from contracting Swine Flu from Piglet….

…From David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)

Don’t laugh …This could happen to you!

Don’t you just……

This is what happens when your kids take away your car keys.

…From Baz in Dronfield (UK)

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express ‘Praise’ for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium.

She said, “I have a ‘Praise’. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, was involved in a terrible golf cart accident in which his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

“Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.

We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum by wrapping wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quavering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, “I’m Tom.”

The entire congregation held its breath.

“I just want to remind my wife once again that………………………………

…………………….the word is ’sternum’.”

… From Big John in North Berwick (NB)

I’ve seen this one before John, and yet it still amazes me how it’s done.

Just Click HERE and get ready to be mystified.

…From Peter in Ruby Bay (NZ)

My wife said, “Whatcha doin today?”

I said, “Nothing.”

She said, “You did that yesterday.”

I said, “I haven’t finished yet.”

…From Peter in Ruby Bay (NZ)

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank one busy lunchtime.

They stood in line behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.

After waiting patiently for a few minutes, the little boy said loudly, “Wow, she’s fat!”

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy’s ear to be quiet.

A couple more minutes passed by and the little boy stretched his arms out as far as they would go and announced;

“I’ll bet her bum is this wide!”

The fat woman turned around and glared at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the queue. Just then her pager begin to emit a “beep, beep, beep”.

The little boy yelled out, “Run for your life, she’s reversing!!”

Well that’s me back on air tomorrow (and every Saturday).

We are currently only broadcasting on the Internet so just click on ther image below

and then on to a prefered player on the Home Page to tune in.

Oh – and a slight change of times too – 5.00 p.m. ’til 7.00 p.m.