…From Baz in Dronfield (UK)
Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was “How are you getting on?”
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked.
“Probably,” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
A gypsy girl sent an email to an Agony Aunt “I am 12 years old and haven’t had sex yet, do you think my brother is queer ?”
My missus has just gone into hospital with 2 black eyes and a broken jaw! It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.
A sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its b******s!!
They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk shit and can’t drive!
A vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist “Is the Porn channel in my room disabled ?”
“No” she replies “its just regular porn you sick b*****d”
A mate of mine has just told me he’s s******g his girlfriend and her twin.
I said, “How can you tell them apart.”
He said “Her brother’s got a moustache!”
A biker goes to the Doctor with hearing problems.
“Can you describe the symptoms to me”.
“Yes…..Homer is a fat yellow lazy so-and-so and Marg is a skinny bird with big blue hair!!”
My black-eye & fat lip suggests that ‘up the backside’….was definately the wrong answer when my girlfriend asked me ‘where are you taking me for my birthday?’
And then there was my mate who’d just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid.
“It’s the best in the world”, he said.
“What type is it?”, I asked.
And he said, “Ten past twelve”.
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