…From David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)

(I’ve cleaned this up quite a lot – so you will have to ue your imagination…! – Andy)

As they approached the main runway at Dublin Airport, the tower heard:

PILOT – Bejeesus will ya look how f*****g shart dat runway is?

CO-PILOT – Yer nat f*****g kiddin, Paddy !!

PILOT – Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus!

CO-PILOT – Yer nat f*****gn kiddin, Paddy !!

PILOT – Right, Shamus, when I say ‘go’ put de engine in reverse!!

CO-PILOT – Royt, I’ll do dat !!

PILOT – An den ya put de flaps down!!

CO-PILOT – Royt, I’ll do dat, too !!

PILOT – An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can – an pray ta de Holy Mudder a Gad !!!

CO-PILOT – I’m prayin already, but I’ll hit de brakes as hard as I can.

So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, puts the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy Mother with all his soul.

The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed and there was smoke everywhere. But, to the relief of all the passengers and, not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to a stop a few metres from the end of the runway!!!

As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure, Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, “Dat has gat ta be de shartist f*****g runway in de world!”

Shamus replied, “Yes, but da ya see how f*****g wide it is?”