Archive for April, 2009
… from David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)
Go on. You’ll kick yourself.
Moon River.
Bum Bum
There I told you that you would kick yourself…!
….from Big John in North Berwick (UK)
Spotted in Ireland on supermarket shelves – until they twigged!
Sorry Ainsley…!
..from Peter in Ruby Bay (NZ)
A woman walked into the welfare office, trailed by 15 kids…
‘WOW,’ the social worker exclaims, ‘are they ALL YOURS???’
‘Yes they are all mine,’ the mother sighed, having heard that question a thousand times before.
‘Sit down Leroy’ she tells the children and they all rush to find seats.
‘Well,’ said the social worker, ‘then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.’
‘This one’s my oldest – he is Leroy.’
‘OK, and who’s next?’
‘Well, this one he is Leroy also.’
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.
One by one, through the boys, all are named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
‘All right,’ says the caseworker. ‘I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leighroy or Leroy?’
Their mother replied, ‘Well, yes it makes life easier. When it’s time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I shout, ‘Leroy!’ And when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Leroy!’ and they all comes running.’ And if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell ‘Leroy’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Leroy.’
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, ‘But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?’
‘Why,then I call them by their surnames.’
This one is probably the first of many.
Thanks to Baz in Dronfield (UK) and Grant in Grays (UK) …
…from Peter in Ruby Bay (NZ)
A farmer named Seamus had a road accident with his pick-up and trailer and a lorry.
In court, the lorry company’s hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.
‘Didn’t you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’’ asked the solicitor?
Seamus responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the…’
‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the solicitor interrupted. ‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,’ I’m fine!’?’
Seamus said, ‘Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….’
The solicitor interrupted again and said, ‘Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question.’
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus’s answer and said to the solicitor: ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie’.
Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. ‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like and didn’t want to move.
However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said,
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Now what the F*** would you say?’
..by Grant – Jokers Wild Site Moderator…
Last Thursday we were one year old.
Time flies doesn’t it?
So for twelve months we have published funny pictures and jokes on this site for people who we thought shared our same sense of humour.
Unfortunately this wasn’t the case and we seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused us of being sexist and shallow. If you were one of these people, please accept our most humble apologies.
From now on we will only include items with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting structures.
Below, you’ll find a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris .
For those of you who are interested, Pont Neuf is the oldest bridge in Paris and took 26 years to build. Construction began in 1578 and ended in 1604. ‘Le Pont Neuf’ is actually made of 2 independent bridges, one with seven arches and the other with five arches.
…from David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting Flies” he responded.
“Oh! Killing any?” she asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
“3 were on Beer Cans and 2 were on the Phone!”
..from David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)
