Mar 032009

…from Peter in Sunny Bay (NZ)

A doctor in Ireland wants to get off work and go hunting, so he approaches his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic,” he says. “I want you to take charge for the day and see all me patients.”

“Yes, sir!” answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting, returns the following day and asks, “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache, so I gave him Aspirin.”

“Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one came in with her mother. She was a baby girl with stomach ache so I gave her Calpol, sir,” says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this. And what about the third one?” asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a beautiful woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on the table. She spreads her legs and shouts, “Help me, I beg you! It’s been five years since I’ve seen a man!”

“Thunderin’ Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?” asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.”

Mar 032009

….from Big John in North Berwick (UK)

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at a meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just anordinary man” he said to her “but in a few years my father will die and I will inherit £20m”

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and 3 days later she became his step mother.

Women are so much better at finanacial planning than men.

Just Press Here

‘Nuf Said?

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Mar 022009

…from Baz in Dronfield (UK)

condom-joke

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