…from Baz in Dronfield (UK)

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas .

Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station……
The conversation went like this:

‘Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?’

‘And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann ’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?’

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, ‘Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!’

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment………………………………

Father O’Malley then replied: ‘Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.’

Never, NEVER mix it with an Irish Priest…!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To see off this young punk who was annoying it…!

Jokers Wild would like to thank those of you (including Baz in Dronfield and David in Thorpe Willoughby) who sent in the above joke.

However, we thought it was not in the best of tastes so have decided not to use it.

Thanks anyway.

…from Peter in Sunny Bay (NZ)

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, ‘Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.’

Mujibar said, ‘I am ready.’

The manager said, ‘Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.’

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, ‘Mister manager, I am ready’

The manager said, ‘Go ahead.’

Mujibar said, ‘The telephone goes green, green – and I pink it up and say, ‘ Yellow, this is Mujibar.’

Mujibar now works at Microsoft’s Customer Technical Support Centre and was recently voted ‘Employee of the Month.’

No doubt you have spoken to him.

I know I have.

This one (from Baz in Dronfield [UK]) is scaringly uncanny.

Just click HERE to see what we mean…

…from Big John in North Berwick (UK)

This took place in Charlotte North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON!

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART…

After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year’s Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

…from Big John in North Berwick (UK)

Su Wong marries Lee Wong.
The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

‘Congratulations,’  says the nurse to the new parents. ‘Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?’
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, ‘Well, two Wong’s don’t make a white, so I think we will name him…

Sum Ting Wong