Jokers Wild

…a Man Blonde Joke…

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too!

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife.

The blonde’s wife said, “Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch.”

This is a version of a joke I remember from 30 years back as a rookie Round Tabler. Of course in those days Starbucks ….well…

They come round – and round – and round.
..this time sent in from Peter in Sunny Bay (NZ)

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dog s, so I guess I am a cowboy.’

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.’

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’
He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.’

I enjoyed this.

So sad…

http://www.whywashesad.com/

… from Peter in Sunny Bay (NZ)

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful and restore her youthful looks. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.”

The milkman asked, “O.K. Do you want it pasteurised?”

The blonde said, “No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes.”

….from Big John in North Berwick (UK)

My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. “
David Beckham

“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”
Mark Viduka

“If you don’t believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.”
Neville Southall

“I’ve had 14 bookings this season – 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.”
Paul Gascoigne

“I’ve never wanted to leave. I’m here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.”
Alan Shearer

“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona “
Mark Draper

“You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out.”
Peter Shilton

“I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don’t want to leave Leicester “
Stan Collymore

“I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.”
Ade Akinbiyi

“Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.”
Ian Wright

“I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.”
Ugo Ehiogu

” Leeds is a great club and it’s been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.”
Jonathan Woodgate

“I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.”
Stuart Pearce

“I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.”
Lee Hendrie

“I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.”
Ian Rush

“Germany are a very difficult team to play…they had 11 internationals out there today.”
Steve Lomas

“I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.”
Barry Venison

“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.”
David Beckham

“The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European.”
Phil Neville

“All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.”
Mitchell Thomas

“One accusation you can’t throw at me is that I’ve always done my best.”
Alan Shearer

“I’d rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.”
Johnny Giles

“Sometimes in football you have to score goals.”
Thierry Henry

“Alex Ferguson is the best manager I’ve ever had at this level. Well, he’s the only manager I’ve actually had at this level. But he’s the best manager I’ve ever had.”
David Beckham