Jokers Wild

Just wait and see ! ! ! ! !

1. Teaching Maths In 1970.

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price.

What is his profit?

2. Teaching maths in 1980.

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.

His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800.

What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990.

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800.
Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000.

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200.
Your assignment: Underline the number 200.

5. Teaching Maths in 2008.

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. 
He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of this way of making a living? 
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers).

(If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available) 

6. Teaching Maths 2018.

أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخB 4ب من دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من> الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟

Say no more!

…from Carol in North Berwick (UK)

T’was the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.

The cookies I’d nibbled, the chocolate I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),

I’d remember the marvellous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt…
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter, disguised as a man!”

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie, not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore…
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.

…from Baz in Dronfield (UK)

There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn’t get a fair trial

But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father’s business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all – 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.

…from David in Thorpe Willoughby (UK)

A man, getting on in years, finds that he is unable to perform in the
bedroom. He goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems
to work. Finally, as a last resort, the doctor refers him to an African
medicine man.

The medicine man says, ‘I can cure this.’ With that said he throws a
white powder into a flame and there is a flash with billowing blue
smoke. Then the African medicine man says, ‘This is powerful healing but
you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say ’123′ and it
shall rise for as long as you wish!’

The man then asks, ‘What happens when it’s over and I don’t want to
continue?’ The medicine man replies, ‘When your partner can take no more
and is completely exhausted, all she has to say is ’1234′ and it will
then go down. But be warned, ‘It will not rise again for another whole
year.’

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night
he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into
bed, cuddles up to his wife and says ’123′ and he feels a sudden
movement in his trouser department just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks, ‘what did you say ’123′ for?