A pirate was talking to a “land-lubber” in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape.

He asked the pirate, “How did you loose your leg?”

The pirate responded, “I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaicky, me ‘earty”

His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, “What about your hand. Did you loose it at the same time?”

“No,” answered the pirate. “I lost it to the sharks offs the Florida Keys lad.”

Finally, the land-lubber asked, “I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye?

The pirate answered, “I wuz sleepin’ on a beach near to Key West, when a seagull flews over and crapped right in me eye.”

The land-lubber asked, “How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?”

The pirate snapped, “It was the day after I got me ‘ook!”